Tourus Interruptus

I woke up this morning with all of my misanthropy intact. Drove down to HP Galactic HQ to register and ride in the Tour de Cure (for the American Diabetes Association) 120K gig, basically the Dearth Ride, except going over on King's Mountain.

It was fair warning -- signed up for the Google team, I was indunated with emails about practice rides, who's going to meet where, and ok let's raise money! I got to the area before Rune and Sharlene, so I registered. A crowd of morons in ADA t-shirts clanking cowbells everytime someone registers. Kill me now. I'm thinkin' "there _is_ no cure for this". I drink complimentary Starbucks coffee. I go over to the Google tent and say hi. We take a picture or two, then its time to line up for the start. Millions of riders, all in their corporate cyclewear. Lots of biotech companies. Later, I realize, of course they are there, raising frickin' money so that hospitals can afford to buy their frickin' biotech products. Vultures. No Rune, no Sharlene. Cowbells. The ride starts, and there are R&S -- not registered.

I need to reveal my own problem, which is that I have to be back by 1 (a _safe_ 1) in order to attend Simon's violin recital at 2. This means I don't feel comfortable hanging around waiting for R&S -- I've got to bust my ass to finish the loop in time, and I'm not relaxed about it.

So I take off with the crowd of nimrods in colorful cyclist garb. We blast peloton-style out to Alpine, Portola, and over to Kings Mountain. Very few friendly people. All the cockheads are out, faster than me, faster than you. I did hook up with one fellow going up KM, and we chatted -- that was ok, but the effect was spoiled by a guy zooming by us and reassuring us that we were "really doing well!". Frickin' reassuring to be the retard of the month.

Somewhere at this point, I realized that I had no interest in spending another day on my bike (after last weeks 9 hour extravaganza), and I knew I was going to bail out. I rode to the top, over to 84, took my number off, and had an excellent ride back to HP. The icy black fog over the hill wasn't the reason, buy it did provide support for the decision. The whole way back, I was trying to guess how I could get back without hearing any more cowbells. I got lucky, and was able to slip away quietly.

Going back, I did get stuck behind a guy wearing a full Bike Connection outfit, with _underwear_ peeking above his shorts. It's so wrong.

The main thing I've learned from this is to avoid rides hosted by big charities. I'd rather be contributing to the local Boy Scout's Beer Fund, or something useful like that.

Also, I realized that when the Cornichons finally organize a ride, its' going to be a fundraiser for NORML. We can ride from Mountain View to Palo Alto, do bong hits, and sit on the lawn and listen to reggae. More cowbell!

Sincerely,

David